Tagged by Utsarg - That Crazy Egghead

Dear friend Utsarg, who has a killer collection of PJs, and who was a major source of entertainment for about 8 months of my life, has tagged me. I'm sure he had a pocketful of good intentions, but he should know which road they pave by now.

Anyway, so here are some sentimax questions about that four letter word - LURVE. Woo hoo! So there are two reactions to each of these - pick which you will and think of them what you will.

Reaction 1: Knee-jerk reaction - Since some of the questions are about the bad stuff that lurve brings with it, first reaction would be - knee that jerk where it hurts the most. Otherwise, ooooh, my knees jerking reaction!

Reaction 2: Let's suppose I've had a very fulfilling relationship with someone and have become a better person because of it. I said let's suppose. So suppose. This reaction is being classified as a "Mera Kucch Samaan" reaction - simply because I love the song.

Copy pasting the rules and the Qs from his blog:

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag at least 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
Knee-jerk reaction - Burn his entire wardrobe. And put bleaching powder in his talcum powder dibba.
Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Depends on the betrayal. It's a very broad term.

2. What’s it that you see in an ideal partner?
Knee-jerk reaction - George Clooney. That shmuck is wasting some good ovulating years of mine.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - I can tell you, but I'll have to kill you. Because you'll look for the same qualities, and chances are you'll snag my ideal partner before I do. So no go.

3. What, according to you, is the perfect date?
Knee-jerk reaction - Any date where I have George Clooney's undivided attention - minus his pubestache and the paparazzi. (What? A girl can dream, can't she?)

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - If THE guy is there, only him - and me - will matter. Everything else is incidental.

4. Would you like to have children soon enough? Or would you wait till your mid-thirties for the first child?
Knee-jerk reaction - Um, I'm, like, *this* close to mid-thirties. So that question's defunct.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Yes, please.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Knee-jerk reaction - My best friend is married. And anatomically incorrect, because I'm straight. I think.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - K pass.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Knee-jerk reaction - Being loved by someone.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Loving someone.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
Knee-jerk reaction - Listen, loser, (whoever started this meme), I have about (um, 12*17=204) roughly 200 ovulation cycles left in me. I've already wasted (um, 12*20=240) 250 of those. Don't ask me stupid questions.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - As long as it takes.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Knee-jerk reaction - Make a voodoo doll of the girl he's attached to and wish some serious harm on her.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Oh, well. We coulda been good together. Next!

9. What do you think are the foundation stones of a good relationship?
Knee-jerk reaction - Knee jerking compatibility.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Similar tastes go a LONG way, mind. Trust, love, friendship - all those pretty words - only come with time.

10. What according to you is the most beautiful thing about relationships or marriage?

Knee-jerk reaction - Knowing I can call him and cuss him on a rainy night and get him to come pick me up from wherever I am.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Same as above. Add a hug to that.

11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Knee-jerk reaction - In an island away from humans. Trust.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Running a B&B near the sea with the husband and two kids. And a published novel under my belt. (Will I have to wear a belt for that?)

12. What’s your fear?

Knee-jerk reaction - Fear itself.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Its unfoundedness. (And confoundedness.)

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Knee-jerk reaction - A barrelful of laughs.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - A great guy who's great fun to be with.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Knee-jerk reaction - Either option sucks.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Both have their advantages.

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
Knee-jerk reaction - Play the field, baby! One life is all you have!

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Whoever makes my heart skip more beats.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Knee-jerk reaction - What kind of a question is that? Oh you mean *that*? Subjective.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - What kind of a question is that? Oh you mean *that*? Depends.

17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
Knee-jerk reaction - NO!

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - No.

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Knee-jerk reaction - Next question.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - Dunno.

19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?
Knee jerk reaction - I dream alone by Little River Band. Because I dream alone.

Mera Kucch Samaan reaction - I dream alone by Little River Band. Because I dream.

And tag, you're it, folks - Hyde, Pallavi, Purple Storm, Saber, Bhumika, Dan, Toinks, Austy.

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na - When fun comes to town

When was the last time you fell in love for the first time?

Now that I've begun with a cliché , let us do away with the flaws of Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na first. Most of which are clichés - the most clichéd being the climax at the airport. But then, if you can accept Anu Agarwal's kiss-me-right-now-under-your-jacket pout to Rahul Roy in the very similar airport climax (pardon me if it puts a wrong picture in your mind) in Mahesh Bhatt's Bollywood-reinventing Aashiqui in the early nineties, you can most definitely digest this. Let's not forget cinema is an art - and art manipulates. And it takes the whole nine yards of artistic license sometimes. But let's put that aside, because after Kuch Kuch Hota Hain, Bollywood's not really seen something refreshing. Which Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na is, by Jove. And all odious comparisons to Ishq Vishk are just that - odious.

Jaane Tu is a refreshing post-college romance which manages to capture the magic of everyday ordinariness that seems to be taboo on celluloid for some strange reason. It's about a boy and a girl who take time to realise that they're made for each other - and the story unfolds like it's one of your best friend's straight-from-the-heart confessions during a sleepover. The first half is all fun times, the second half is all about the matters of the heart and the various difficulties they make us face. While the story does unfold at a slow pace, I'll give you that, it's not so slow that you want to up and leave the movie hall. (This has somehow been true of Aamir Khan Productions' last two films as well - Lagaan and Taare Zameen Par. Hmmmm.)

While the second half of the film stretches (Q.1 - Which movie doesn't nowadays? and Q.2 - When will we stop cribbing and just like something despite its flaws?), it IS during the second half that you realise how much you've missed Naseeruddin Shah in his Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron kind of roles. While the movie is meant to be a launch vehicle for Imraan Khan and Genelia D'Souza (relaunch vehicle in her case), why it works is because of the whole ensemble of actors. The older generation in the film comprises mostly of TV and theater actors, the kind who know what their job is, and they effortlessly make the story unfold in front of your eyes. Rajat Kapur and Kitu Gidwani as Meghna's parents are reduced to mere 2-minute caricatures - how I wish there had been a better-written role for Kitu Gidwani. She is one of the most gorgeous faces ever to grace Indian television. But the rest - oh my. Anuradha Patel, the doe-eyed delicate beauty of Mera Kucch Samaan fame is such a welcome presence as Aditi's mom in the movie. And so is the oh-so-delightful Jayant Kriplani as Aditi's dad. Where was he all this while, I say. Paresh Rawal as Inspector Waghmare excels in what is a throwback to the original Babu Bhaiya of Hera Pheri, before he became a cartoon in the cartoon graveyard of Priyadarshan. He utters the three best dialogues in the movie - and all begin with the letter C. Ratna Pathak Shah is outstanding as Jai's mom. Her exchanges with Imraan are some of the best in all mother-son dialogues in Bollywood. Only two people were missing in this plethora of fine actors - Swaroop Sampat (I saw her in person a few years ago - she's still beautiful and she hates being photographed) and Satish Shah. Now if only they'd had cameo roles as well, Jaane Tu would have worked even better.

Now to come to the younger generation of actors - Sohail and Arbaaz Khan get the most ill-written cameos of the lot, but somehow pull it off with audacity and aplomb. They're so silly, they're bloody marvellous. The gang in question - Karan Makhija as Rotlu, Nirav Mehta as Jignes (Hahahahaha, Pignes, I thought of you every time he came on screen!), Alishka Varde as Bombs and Sugandha Garg as Shaleen form 2/3rds of the quintessential gang that we all belonged to in our college days. Of the four, Bombs as the Melody-like bimbette is cute, Rotlu as the prematurely-balding whiner is good, Jignes as the unsure gangly sidekick is fantastic, but Shaleen as the group's fashionista is the clear winner hands down. Remember the coolest chick in college/your first job/computer class who was the envy of every other gang AND was your best friend? The guitar-strumming 100-rupee roadside goggles and harem-pants and gypsy-skirts wearing hippie who redefined the bohemian look? The self-assured livewire who didn't need branded clothes or slinky stilettos or a borrowed sense of style to define her own? She's the one - (Shobhie, here's looking at you, kid.) She's spunky, smart, sassy and with an attitude that could freeze an Eskimo's naked ass on an igloo floor (not that it wouldn't be frozen already, but you get my point) - I would LOVE to see more of her in the movies, but something tells me she's not going to get a better role than this one. And Prateik Babbar, Smita Patil and Raj Babbar's son, is a revelation. In just the 15 or so minutes he's on screen in the movie, Prateik brings a quiet dignity to the cynical loner that all of us know and mock and secretly regret mocking a tad too late in real life. His portrayal of Amit, Aditi's brother, also has something to say to all the Riteishs and Harmans and Hrithiks and Ranbirs of the world - you either have talent or you don't. Just like his gorgeous mom did in the early eighties.

Coming to the lead pair, Imraan as Jai Singh Rathore makes a very assured debut and shows some snatches of Aamir-like brilliance in the movie. The lad is a tad too skinny, but he will go a long way. Genelia as Aditi is adorable - bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as the role of Aditi needs her to be. Considering this is her second attempt at limelight grabbing, I won't get needlessly cynical - or ecstatic - about her acting abilities just yet. But she fits Aditi to a T, absolutely. Their failed attempts at romance outside of each other - Ayaz Khan as Sushant Modi with a broken nose and Manjari Phadnis as Meghna are adequate. Manjari is an almost dead ringer to the very Rachel Greenesque Kirti Reddy - remember her? I thought she looked older (and much more experienced in the love department) than Imraan, which kind of takes away from her role. But she's luminous - she lights up the screen in every frame that she's in.

The songs are good - only a few will have you humming, though. You wouldn't have missed Pappu Can't Dance and Kabhi Kabhi Aditi (love, love, love it!) on TV over the last few weeks, and those are the ones you'll sing on your way out of the movie hall. Jaane Tu (both versions - were they really there in the movie?) barely register in the mind. Nazrein Milana is just about all right - the inevitable effervescent group track in every OST. But I loved its picturisation. Kahin Toh is a lovely track. It's vintage Rahman - it'll sneak up on you when you're OD-ing on Pappu and Kabhi Kabhi, and slowly drill itself into your head, and stay with you long after the lights are out. But my pick of the lot is Tu Bole. It is one of those notorious unbelongers in every Rahman score - it's a superb jazz/swing number. It makes you want to be caught in black and white in a quaint "all the booze and music you want in one night" kind of place, where time will stand still and it's just the song you hear and the vodka in your glass that define the moment and nothing else - something like Not Just Jazz By The Bay in Mumbai. (One of the best nights of my life was had there - erm, forgive the passivity of the voice.) It's songs like these that make me want to tip my invisible hat to Rahman and his genius.

There are some very memorable scenes in the movie, but I won't tell you what they are - in detail, that is. One's meal times in jail, one's Naseeruddin's reaction post the jail scene, one's Imraan on a horse in the middle of the night and one involves a very disillusioned Rotlu in front of a bartender. And oh, he gets to mouth the pithiest line written for the movie. It's just two words - beginning with a C. I won't tell you what it is, though. Suffice it to say I was laughing all the way to the end of the movie because of it :D.

Like Raja Sen of Rediff says, God is in the details. Aamir Khan Productions hits another bulls-eye with Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. Most definitely worth a watch. Abbas Tyrewala deserves applause - he's written the lyrics, the movie and directed it as well. It gets my wholehearted stamp of approval. Jaane Tu is my pick of 2008 so far.

Fun times (i.e., 2 and a half hours) to be had at the movies!

The heart is a lonely hunter...

And the drugged mind is a crazy ass place to be.

As if paracetamols over the weekend weren’t enough, in an attempt to get well soon that all my colleagues bid I do, I swallowed one more and off I went to Never Never Land today afternoon.

Which is what it should be. Never Never Land, I mean. No reference, allegiance or relationship to Michael Peter Pan Jackson’s ranch of the almost same name.

So, essentially, the weekend was spent trying not to retain certain scenes from Tim Winton’s Cloudstreet (Question of the Day: Why is it that writers who write almost lovingly about wading in ankle-deep shit considered the bravest of them all?), Harlan Coben’s The Woods (He DA man – me wants to meet him in this lifetime – dream # 123456789) and Daniel Keyes’s much celebrated Flowers for Algernon (I almost lost my love affair with spelling and grammar after reading this – almost being the keyword). With enough paracetamol in you, however, it’s not quite easy to not retain certain scenes from the said books, (I thought mentioning their names again would be a redundancy, but let me know if you need me to – some people ARE slow, I acknowledge it). Let me tell you how tough it is. The mind is by itself a crazy ass place to be. Especially when it’s mine. And if by chance you have spent the weekend crying yourself hoarse every time Sachin took a catch against KKR in the unforgettable IPL match of all time, having arguments with the paternal figure in your life (agree to disagree-ments, he would say), and trying not to retain scenes from the abovementioned books (the offer still holds, slow folks) the mind tends to veer into dangerous territory when you’re knocked out.

Which is where it went today afternoon. If by now we haven’t established that already.

So, after a sumptuous meal of palak sambar and rice made by the said paternal figure, (who btw is a kickass cook – all puns on ‘kickass’ applicable), pop went the pill and off I went to sleepsville. Man, how effortlessly I rhyme. Bad combination, I tell you – kickass palak sambar and paracetamol. Case in point to prove my point - the recent rhyme scheme. Moving on.

Much of what happened during the post palak and paracetamol siesta was lost to me. Lost on me, even. But the “just before I woke up” part is the most interesting – if you can call it that. In it, I was realising my soon-to-be-defunct dream of being a published novelist. And double bull’s-eye in the dream – someone had turned this book into a movie, too! And the novel’s 4 main characters were a guy named Guru Prasad (those really close to me can ask me about this Guru Prasad – I shall give you the gory details), a girl named Lavanya (Get Gorgeous 5 influence – ugh!), a guy named…

Wait. Backpedal, backpedal. Ok. So these two were the sidekicks. Who will have a romantic angle attached, of course. Any real life Guru Prasad-Lavanya pairs are mere coincidences, if you please. But the other twosome is what is the most interesting part of this dream. That I dreamed, mind you. Not the “dreams into realities” kind of dream.

------------> <------------

So, there you have it. A match made in paracetamol-induced heaven in a marriage hall straight out of Sooraj Barjatya’s movies.

Note to self – I have to stop watching Bollywood movies.

Renuka is dressed in eye-gouging yellow and red, with a plait so straight it would give all the rulers of the world a run for their money. Rulers as in scales, that is. (This is for all the slow folks reading, of course.) Grinning her 1000 watt grin for all the world to see and shudder. She’s called Renukamma, btw. And then, there is Andrew ‘Roy’ Symonds as the 4^th protagonist. Who’s hopelessly devoted to Renukamma. And is getting married to her. With this woebegone puppy dog face that in the dream I found to be most endearing. Wait. Backpedal, backpedal. No animal must be mentioned in the same line as Andrew Roy Symonds. Which I didn’t. So, HA!, lawsuit.

His name, you ask. His name, dear readers, in the book/movie was Matthew McFayden. Which is again a concoction of the uber Brit cute Matthew MacFadyen (I found his ‘Mr. Darcy’ in 2005’s Pride and Prejudice cute in 2005 – so sue me. On second thoughts, don't - I am getting ready to sue myself) and Matthew “I cross myself” Hayden. I love how the ‘y’ comes before the ‘d’ in the name, though. How beautifully creative my mind is – even when drugged and totally uninspired.

Andrew Symonds, called Matthew McFayden, in love with Renukamma in colours that would have Vatal Nagaraj singing, bless his teeth, in my very successful first attempt as a writer. Singing an arbit Yesudas number to her. Life just can’t better than this.

And before the song could transcend from my subconscious into my conscious mind, dear paternal figure came and switched off the fan in the room. Which meant that I had to wake up.

Small price to pay, though. This has ALL the makings of an uber successful indie Indian flick. Somebody please call Mahesh Dattani. We have another ‘Mango Souffle and Morning Raga’ in the making!

Jodhaa Akbar - When too much is too little

In one line, I can sum up everything I learned from sitting through the three and a half hour ordeal that is Jodhaa Akbar – all heart and no (s)hit. Ashutosh Gowariker has a fine eye for detail that was beautifully evident in both Lagaan and Swades, but he tends to linger far too long on unnecessary details – which explains the length of the film; and he has this weird penchant for farfetched idealism that seems to be on the upswing with every new movie of his. And precisely this idealism has allowed him to get away with blasphemy at the box office.

So while the world out there is looking up India’s history books again to know whether Jodhaa was really Akbar’s wife or daughter-in-law, Ashutosh has released his magnum opus to the unsuspecting public at an unprecedented number of screens across the country. I have not really paid keen attention to history, so it really was not the controversy that pulled me towards the first day first show of Jodhaa Akbar – it was the free ticket that did it. I wasn’t really keen on watching Hrithik and Aishwarya pit their “acting” skills against each other and light up the screen with their public display of affectations, either – one look at Ash’s overrated vapid peepers (albeit gorgeous) in the publicity stills and I had passed judgement on the movie long back itself. But I could not really turn down the opportunity to rip the movie apart in detail thanks to a free show now, could I?

The film traces the evolution of love between Mughal emperor Akbar and his Rajput bride Jodhaa (or daughter in law, as the case may be) who ties the knot with him in a marriage of alliance, thanks to a sense of allegiance to her people. It is just a romance, really (and nothing more), set amidst the backdrop of a battlefield. Troy, anyone? And that’s not all that’s Troyesque about it – Hrithik looks like he stepped right out of Troy sets, too. He is too fair-skinned and too blonde. But those really can’t be held against him – he was offered the part, wasn’t he? He delivers a top-notch performance as Emperor Akbar – but with Ash opposite him, it would have been next to impossible to not deliver a performance which, if not a knockout, definitely would overshadow her trademark wishy-washiness that she passes off for acting. Blessed with such stunning looks, she can – and has – gotten away with box office murder for far too long now.

But Hrithik, despite his Greek God looks, is regal as Emperor Akbar, and I really think Bollywood should consider making Kate and Leopold with him. Oops – I think I just gave KJo a K idea. He looks like he’s arrived straight from the pages of Mughal history in India – I cannot think of anyone else in Bollywood who could have pulled off this role like he has. Aishwarya Rai remains true to her tried & tested bland emoting. But let’s give credit where it’s due – she does show flashes of brilliance in a couple of scenes where she uses just her eyes to act – a throwback to HDDCS which is her only genuine performance to date. The two scenes are – when Hrithik sees her without her veil for the first time and she tests his religious tolerances. And two, during the whole Rajput feast scene. But that’s about it. The rest of the time, she’s walking around in navel-revealing diaphanous veils draped over some very modern ghagra-cholies with her trademark thumaks and bowing ridiculously like it’s a Bharatnatyam routine at the feet of the elders. She had a chance to show the world that she can act – and she completely throws it away by overindulging in the Jashn-e-Bahara after effects. Something tells me that Abhishek Bachchan will sing that song to her for a long time to come.

Of the supporting cast, Sonu Sood as Sujamal, Jodhaa’s munh bola bhai is impressive. He has this uncanny resemblance to a younger Amitabh, actually. Why hasn’t anyone written a father-son movie with them in mind yet? Ila Arun as Akbar’s badi ammi or Mahamanga (ahahahahahaha!) is plain old irritating. Try as she might, she can’t convey the evil – her eyes look tired and she desperately needs to visit a dentist. The rest of the star cast are mere story and scene fillers.

Coming to the songs, I’m afraid to say that they distinctly lack the Rehman punch. I don’t think this score of his is going to be remembered. I think he gave in to his Sufi leanings a bit too much and never quite got out of it. And let’s face it, Kailash Kher he isn’t. Jashn-e-Bahara is pleasant enough, but the fact that it is a loving paean sung to the green-eyed beauty kills it prematurely. Azeem-o-Shaan-e-Shahenshah is a criminal waste of dancers and extras. It is no better than “form a circle, turn into a heart shape and then stand in two parallel lines” school sports day formations that our PT instructor used to bellow at us through a loudspeaker. And what was Gowariker thinking while shooting the Khwaja Mere Khwaja song? The ludicrousness of the song is to be seen to be believed – be it the head gear, the setting of the song, the tutuesque costumes, Nukkad’s Raja’s nose that the camera lovingly pans (fascinating!!) and Hrithik’s impromptu whirl along with the dervishes at the end of the song. Reading the rich praises that Rajeev Masand and Taran Adarsh have heaped on the picturisation of these two songs made me wonder – did we watch the same movie?

Whilst on the subject of ludicrous scenes, I must not forget the elephant outsmarting scene. I don’t blame the aged pachyderm for wanting to stamp the life out of Hrithik’s bare-naked chest. It is an amalgamation of Haathi Mere Saathi and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, actually. Shall we call it Crouching Haathi Hidden Hrithik? And while on the subject of Hrithik’s bare-naked torso, where was the need for that lingering shot of Hrithik’s bare-naked back, from scapula to the last vertebra with some beads of sweat thrown in for good measure, pray tell? Something we could have expected from KJo, perhaps – definitely not Gowariker. The whole scene is just an awkward lead up towards the consummation of Akbar and Jodhaa’s marriage.

And while on the subject of the much-celebrated consummation, never has there been a more elaborate lead up to an anti-climax of such monumental proportions. Aishwarya has got to stop doing Bharatnatyam moves on her filmi marital bed – those hand moves are ridiculously affected. And Bollywood has got to stop weaving idiotic songs into “what happens in the bedroom” scenes. I don’t know how they did it back in the Mughal era, (today’s population tells me it wasn’t done any differently, really), but hey, what do I know? What I do know is what an amazingly thrilling colleague told me – Agar iss movie mein Emraan Hashmi aur Mallika Sherawat hote, toh hum log ab tak ghar pahunch chuke hote. (There, Dan, you’re famous now :D). Translated, it amounts to: If this movie starred Emraan Hashmi-Mallika Sherawat in the lead roles, we’d have been home by now. Noticed the two puns till now, anyone?

Having said all this, I did enjoy the movie because of the crowd – the dialogues in the movie hall were much crisper and a whole lot more interesting than the movie dialogues. That and Hrithik’s performance were the only two good parts of the evening of Feb 15th. But honestly, this movie is not worth the price of admission. If you really want to watch it, wait for a few months – the worldwide premier is going to happen on some cable channel soon. Trust.

So, the long and short of it is – all grandeur and no substance. The sets are elaborate, the costumes are elaborate, the jewellery is elaborate, and surprise, surprise – the story itself is elaborate. An elaborately ineffective story, that is. Jodhaa Akbar should be a lesson to all Bollywood directors to not give into sudden whims and whimsies, however good they might seem to them. Ashutosh gives idealism a whole new spin, but this time, “Jodhaa Akbar’s heart is in the right place” won’t work – trying to imbue secularism into a land that is divided because of religions with a Hindu Muslim bhai-bhai (okay, pati-patni in this case) period love story like this is way, way too idealistic. A pocketful of good intentions do not a great story tell. Like I was saying, Jodhaa Akbar is all heart and no (s)hit.

Taare Zameen Par songs reviewed after watching the movie

The soundtrack of TZP sounds Plain Jane-ish if you hear it before watching the movie. Except for Maa and the title track, they don’t really hit you. But once you’ve watched the movie, you realize that this is one more thing about TZP that’s different from other Bollywood successes. The soundtrack by itself might sound lacklustre, but once you’ve watched TZP, you long to listen to 4 songs over and over again.

Prime credit should go to Prasoon Joshi’s wordsmithery. Here’s a lyricist who sees poetry in the most mundane of things and writes it down in the most simple of words – and packs such a punch in his penmanship that you wonder why songs have to be indecipherable to be appreciated. It’s truly a breath of fresh air in a world of Sameers and Gulzars and Javed Akhtars and dils and dhadkans and ishqs and mohabbats and terrible clichés and insulting innuendoes and words we haven’t heard of ever and silly portmanteaus like Dard E Disco.

A R Rahman was to score the music, but he backed out. And it’s not affected the soundtrack at all – Shankar Ehsaan Loy deliver big time! The songs are a vital part of the narration, so much so that as you’re watching the movie, it’s just words/lyrics you hear set to some of the most unassuming tunes in recent times that help the movie cruise along. A few have mentioned that the movie tends to get sluggish – I disagree. The pace is slow, all right, but that is only to involve the audience. And the songs beautifully complement the pace at which the story unfolds.

Shaan’s Bum Bum Bhole is a very peppy track, but is routine stuff. It should be a great hit with the kids, (Aamir's dance pleased me too!) and the lyrics of the song won’t be lost on them. Ishaan’s theme and Jame Raho are very angst-ridden, but they’re not really “songs” in the Bollywood sense of the word. Kholo Kholo is a great song to listen to when you've lost faith in yourself. It has some fantastic guitaring and Shankar Mahdevan’s robust voice conveys Ishaan’s triumph over dyslexia beautifully - listen to the line "Bandhan koi ab hain kahaan".

Mera Jahan is the surprise package of the soundtrack. I’ve had some very unflattering things to say about Adnan Sami’s singing abilities in the past. But he does such justice to this track that I will refrain from sarcasm. The chorus in English by Ananya Wadkar and Auriel Cordo is lovely, and the song is completely devoid of Adnan’s Tarzanesque yodelling about unrequited love. Watch the movie, and you’ll realise why this song is so special.

The title track is the second best song. The chorus in this song took me back to my school days. The song has a very simple easy cadence to it and I especially love the third line of the chorus. And at the end of the song, Shankar Mahadevan segues into a lovely classical alaap that makes me close my eyes and sway to the rhythm, oblivious to the world around me.

And Maa is undoubtedly the best song of TZP – probably the best Maa song ever written. I’m a complete sucker for Ma songs – I confess. But who isn’t? I thought Lukkha Chhuppi from RDB was the best Ma song till I heard this. I dare you to not get choked up when you watch it onscreen. Aamir's insistence that Shankar Mahadevan only sing this is a masterstroke - the song of a child sung in an adult's voice is a supremely effective touch. The refrain is so simple (how I love this word today!) and so breathtakingly beautiful that it almost seems unreal. Shankar Mahadevan's "Breathless" is not a patch on this song. He is in exceptional form in this song and his rendition is so sublime, it blows you away.

I haven’t been able to listen to anything other than TZP songs ever since I’ve watched the movie – and this is the fifth day in a row. I have it on repeat right now. I can now marvel at a subtle turn of phrase and a gentle change in note and think of the exact scene that plays on screen at that moment – try as I might, I cannot remember another movie or song (apart from JJWS’s Pehla Nasha) that stayed in my mind like this. The trio of Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy can take a collective bow – they’re the only music composers today who can call themselves versatile in the truest sense of the word. In case you’re not convinced, listen to Kal Ho Naa Ho, DCH’s Jaane Kyon, Don’s Aaj Ki Raat, Johny Gadar’s Doob Jaa Mere Pyar Mein and top it off with Taare Zameen Par or Maa.

Go on.